Why Intimacy Always Hurts Schopenhauer told a parable about hedgehogs huddling for warmth on a cold winter night. As they move closer together to share body heat, their spines prick each other, causing pain. When they pull apart to avoid the pain, they freeze. After many cycles of drawing close and retreating, the hedgehogs finally settle at a middle distance where they are neither freezing nor constantly wounded. This is what Schopenhauer called ‘moderate warmth,’ the best compromise available in an imperfect world. It is also the perfect metaphor for human intimacy. We are built to need each other, yet...